*​.​* And Other Star Things

by The Faithful Sidekicks

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about

Nerdy Geeky Comedy Rock Folk (Can we throw any more in there? Alt...? sure, why not.). *.* And Other Star Things is an album full of funny catchy songs about the geeky stuff we love - things like Star Wars, Star Trek, Stargate, The Last Starfighter, and SQL? (Well maybe we don't quite love SQL... but it's a lot of "star" regardless). Fun songs about board games, video games and coffee.

With the help of some of our geek rock friends, we present to you this bundle of 12 songs to keep you laughing and to leave you with a smile on your face.

credits

released January 22, 2016

THE FAITHFUL SIDEKICKS ARE:
Eric Distad - Guitar, Vocals, Drum Programming, Goofiness
Jen Distad - Bass, Vocals, Pithy One-Liners

ALSO WITH:
Jon Bennefeld - Drums and Percussion
Devin Melanson - Banjo, Additional Vocals and Guitar on Beam Me Up and Han Solo
The Ontario Area Filkers - Additional Vocals on Beam Me Up
John Argentiero - Additional Vocals, Guitar, and Drum Programming on Doctor Doctor, Fatty Bolger, and Video Games Inside This House
Steven Wesley Guiles - Additional Vocals and Guitar on Beta Unit

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about

The Faithful Sidekicks Andover, Minnesota

Nerdy Geeky Comedy Rock Folk (Can we throw any more in there? Alt? Sure, why not.).

The Faithful Sidekicks is all that and more.

Eric and Jen Distad have been making music together for many years, but in 2014 decided that they really wanted to write fun songs about the geeky things they love - Sci Fi, Fantasy, Board Games, Video Games, Movies... and so here we are, ready to make you smile!
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Track Name: Outbreak
You head to Cairo
And I’ll fly to Santiago
We’ll try to put
This fever to bed

Then dash off to Paris
'Cause the plague will never spare us
We’ve got to hurry
Before the world is dead

I’ll shift you to Seoul
cause we’re inches from the goal
Of ridding all of
Asia of disease

Then we’ll head to Essen
Where they’ve learned a new lesson
About covering their mouths
When they sneeze


Outbreak
This Pandemic’s
Getting epic
It’s just you and me
Racing for the cure

Outbreak
This infection
Beyond direction
If we don’t win
We’re all doomed for sure


The infection rate is climbing
And we’ve got to watch our timing
We’ve got to get
To the research station

I’m tired from the fight
I need one quiet night
Please airlift me out
To vacation

Outbreak
This Pandemic’s
Getting epic
It’s just you and me
Racing for the cure

Outbreak
This infection
Beyond direction
If we don’t win
We’re all doomed for sure

L.A.'s gone away
San Fran’s in the pan
New York got the spork
And we lost all Japan
Goodbye Chennai
Milan, it is gone
Istanbul is full
'Cause we didn’t play catan

Outbreak
This Pandemic’s
Getting epic
It’s just you and me
Racing for the cure

Outbreak
This infection
Beyond direction
We didn't win
We were all doomed for sure
We were doomed for sure
Track Name: Beam Me Up
I'd been studying eight long years
At the Academy
When I was posted to the Enterprise
I was as happy as could be

But then came the day
I would soon come to dread
When they gave out assignments
Turned out my shirt was red

Beam me up
Don't beam me down
You know I always hate it
when they say "Hey, what's that sound"
When the lava monster gets here
I don't want to be around
So beam me up
Don't beam me down

I'm not just some pretty face
I've got an advanced degree
In xenolinguistics
And exobiology

I’m captain of the chess team
Did you know I have a wife
I am surely too valuable
To throw away my life

Beam me up
Don't beam me down
You know I always hate it
when they say "Hey, what's that sound"
When the lava monster gets here
I don't want to be around
So beam me up
Don't beam me down

I don't want to go anywhere
With our Captain Kirk
'Cause when the phasers fire
He can turn into a jerk

We've got all this technology
With all them blinking lights
Yet no matter how we try for peace
He always get in fights

Beam me up
Don't beam me down
You know I always hate it
when he says "Hey... what's.. that sound"
When the lava monster gets here
I don't want to be around
So beam me up
Don't beam me down

I don't want to be on the team
If it's going away
I don't know what the game is
But I sure don’t want to play

Here is the question
I really really want to know
if the mission’s so important
Why can't some other color go

Beam me up
Don't beam me down
You know I always hate it
when they say "Hey, what's that sound"
When the lava monster gets here
I don't want to be around
So beam me up
Don't beam me down
Track Name: Han Solo For President
The way the country’s going
We’re stuck before we begin
We need to look far far away
To bring the right guy in

Some say he's a scoundrel
Well we’ve already got some of those
But we know this one will get things done
So here’s what I propose

Han Solo For President
You know he’s the one
'Cause he’s fastest on the gun
Han Solo For President
You know he’s our man

You may think he’ll take the cash
And then just run away
But he’ll come back at the wire
To totally save the day

He comes with his own protection
That’s furry and seven feet tall
You know he’s got the alien vote
He’s the bravest of them all

Han Solo For President
He’s the best we can get
cause we can’t get Boba Fett
Han Solo For President
You know he’s our man

Attack ads won’t work on him
I mean, he saved the galaxy
How do you get them to hate a guy
Who set the ewoks free

He’s used to adoration
He was mistaken for a god
Even if winning is a long shot
Never tell him the odds

Han Solo For President
Better not give him lip
I bet he’s handy with a whip
Han Solo For President
You know he’s our man

He may look scruffy
Nerf Herder In Chief
But he’s the best man for the job
That is our belief

He’s got no time for committees
Don’t mistake him for a goon
Who needs a seal team
He rescues VIPs from a moon

You know he’ll get things moving
Look how fast he did the Kessel Run
Imagine all the awesome
When the Falcon is Air Force One

Han Solo For President
If we don’t get this right
There’s always Carbonite
Han Solo For President
You know it’s not his fault
He’s the President
Track Name: SQL Love
use db_me;

update table love
set love = true
where name = you;

1 record updated

delete from table mind
where love = true
and name is not like you;

select * from my heart
where love equals true
inner join on me to you
inner join on me to you;

use db_you;

update table heart
set tears = null
where tears > 2
and cause = me;

delete from events
where angry = true
and subject = me;

drop table bitterness;
drop table jealousy;

create index good
on table mind;

access denied

select * from my heart
where love equals true
inner join on me to you
inner join on me to you;

use db_you

select * from table heart
where love = true
and name = me;

0 records returned

use db_me;

drop table love;
Track Name: Jar Jar Must Go
For a long time there's been
A hostile vibration
Between the Republic
And the Federation

You’ve got warp engines
We've we’ve got light speed
You’ve got no money
We’ve got tons of greed

You’ve got directives
And we’ve got the Force
Surely there’s a middle ground
Where we can plot our course

Jar Jar Must go
Jar Jar Must Go
Please can you help us make it so
How we got here we'll never know
But on this we can all agree
Jar Jar Must Go

He was supposed to be comic
But we were not relieved
We’re pretty sure the thing
Was ill conceived

When he arrived we thought
We would not survive
Then we remembered
How you pulled through
After Star Trek Number 5

Jar Jar Must go
Jar Jar Must Go
Please can you help us make it so
How we got here we'll never know
But on this we can all agree
Jar Jar Must Go

Maybe you could do your
Slingshot thing back around the sun
And bring us back to the time
When it was only Obi-Wan

Or maybe use your transporter
Accidently lose the pattern lock
Or maybe we can do a mind meld
Between Master Yoda and Spock

You leave the Ewok special out of this
I know that one’s hard
But we’ll stay out of your arguments
about Kirk and Picard

Jar Jar Must go
Jar Jar Must Go
Please can you help us make it so
How we got here we'll never know
But on this we can all agree
Jar Jar Must Go
Track Name: Think Of The Beans
First thing you burn them
While spinning them round
Next you break them
Until they are ground
Then you boil them
Until they are drowned

Won't anyone think of the beans
Won't anyone think of the beans

Their magic is strong
Especially when black
They can rouse the dead
Bring the tired back
Their smell alone
Can get you out of the sack

Won't anyone think of the beans
Won't anyone think of the beans

Grind without mercy
And them throw them away
They've done their job
They've save the day
Their garbage can rest
Is all of their pay

Won't anyone think of the beans
Won't anyone think of the beans

So here's to the wizards
Of Nature's delight
They can keep you going
All through the night
Two sips in time
And the world is alright

Won't anyone think of the beans
Won't anyone think of the beans
Track Name: Fatty Bolger
Ok let me be clear
I’m not a coward
For staying here

I will keep faith
Even if it means
Facing a wraith

The Old Forest is not for me
And someone has to stay
Someone needs to keep the lights on
While you’re running away

I’m Fatty Bolger
And I’m still a hero
Not one you would expect

I’m Fatty Bolger
And I’m in the story
And I want a little respect
Please give me a little respect

Ok, all the talk's ‘bout
Frodo and the others
It’s starting to make me ill
It's all great heroics
They forget about poor Bolger
And good old Bombadil

Now things are going south
Whose this wizard any way
Someone needs to set things right
Looks like Freddy's gonna save the day


I’m Fatty Bolger
And I’m still a hero
Not one you would expect

I’m Fatty Bolger
And I’m in the story
And I want a little respect
Please give me a little respect

Come on you fellows
Join the revolution
We’ve got a lot to do

They may clap us in irons
And throw us in a hole
But heroes see it through

I sweated off a hundred pounds
Starving, chained to the floor
I did my best to set things right
I’m not fatty any more

I’m Fred Bolger
And I’m a big hero
Not one you would expect

I’m Fred Bolger
And I’m in the story
And I deserve a little respect
Please give me a little respect
Track Name: Doctor Doctor
Another dead end job
"Yeah, we got that in green"
Another empty night
On another boring scene

Then a wild eyed man
Fell from the stars
Called himself the Doctor
And whisked me off to Mars

Doctor Doctor Cure Me
Doctor Doctor Cure Me
Doctor Doctor
Cure me from this hum drum day

I’d love to ride in your blue box
That’s bigger on the inside
How can you be so very old
With such a smooth looking hide

And where’d you get your screwdriver
‘Cause the one I got from Lowes
Can’t repel an alien horde
No matter how it glows

Doctor Doctor Cure Me
Doctor Doctor Cure Me
Doctor Doctor
Cure me from this hum drum day

I could swear that we met before
Did you have a different face
Doesn’t matter - let’s save the world
And see all of time and space

Yeah the Dalek’s scare me
Though they look like pepper pots
But I know you can save me
From the army of killer bots

Doctor Doctor Cure Me
Doctor Doctor Cure Me
Doctor Doctor
Cure me from this hum drum day

Let’s go see
Raxacoricofallapatorius
Or maybe save the ocean
From some ancient amphibians
But wherever you roam
You will not be alone

Doctor Doctor Cure Me
Doctor Doctor Cure Me
Doctor Doctor
Cure me from this hum drum day
Track Name: Ballad Of The Beta Unit
My name’s not Alex Rogan
I’m not that guy that you know
I’m the stand-in replacement
So that someone else can go

I’m just a Beta unit
Centauri sent me here
Distracting assassins
While he advanced his career

Then you stuck your tongue in my ear
What you wanted was not that clear

I’m sorry I’m not that kinda bot
What we need is a hero
But I’m all that you got

I’m sorry I’m not that kinda droid
The best I can hope for
Is to be unemployed

So I'm stuck here fixing toilets
And pushing Louis around
While Alex gets a Gunstar
I'm stuck here on the ground

When it comes to kicking Kodan
Alex better not chicken out
Yeah, I could do the fighting
But Betas aren't allowed

We’ve got no time for your gland games
we've got to leave that Zandozan
In flames

I’m sorry I’m not that kinda bot
What we need is a hero
But I’m all that you got

I’m sorry I’m not that kinda droid
The best I can hope for
Is to be unemployed

There's no need to notice me
Did we stop the pulsar tones?
Cause if it's up to Centauri
We’d probably only get trombones

Surprise I'm from the stars
And this hasn't been much fun
Alex wherever you are
You really owe me one
'Cause

I’m not that kind of bot
What we need is a hero
And you’re all that we got

Sorry I’m not that kind of droid
You’re the best we can hope for
And I’m going to be destroyed

Sorry I’m not that kind of bot
What we need is a hero
And you’re all that we got

Sorry I’m not that kind of droid
The best I could hope for
Is to be re-deployed

I'm Sorry
I’m just not that kind of bot
Track Name: Video Games
Did you see that ludicrous display last night
Which one's the inning where they start to fight
So that’s a touchdown run - did I do that right?
I guess I’m supposed to know

So I’m not manly unless my footballs spin
I’ve got to know runs batted in
Why do they wear stuff on their shins
I guess I’m supposed to know

But I admit I don’t really care
I’ve tried real hard to sit and stare
But my mind wanders to places where
Pixels learn to fly

Football’s ok
Basketball's alright
I can stand to watch
But not every night

My arena's the basement
My weapon's a mouse
'Cause its video games
Inside this house

Fire up a level
Because I’m ready to go
Whether it’s FPS or MMO
Warp speed fast
Or take it slow
Yeah, that’s what I know

Forget about goals
Give me BFGs
And super sheep
With D O Ts
And tons of mana
For my hotkeys
That’s what I know

Yeah I admit
It can get weird
When grown men worry about levels cleared
But so is holding someone revered
For how fast they run

Football’s ok
Basketball's alright
I can stand to watch
But not every night

My arena's the basement
My weapon's a mouse
'Cause its video games
Inside this house

Baskets goals safety’s yeah they are all fine
But I’d rather not keep score in a blocky mine
I’d rather ride a chicken for a piece of heart
And learn things like up down up down A B start

Football’s ok
Basketball's alright
I can stand to watch
But not every night

My arena's the basement
My weapon's a mouse
'Cause its video games
Inside this house
Track Name: Stargate - Goa'uld Love
You are an angel from heaven
You’re my chevron number seven
You’re love can carry me to the stars

But lately I have seen a change
Your voice has gotten strange
And your new obsession seems bizarre

Baby Don’t keep me fooled
Is it you or the Goa'uld
Baby I’ve just got to know
Is it love when your eyes glow
Baby Please let me in
Tell me who’s really wearing your skin
Baby Don’t keep me fooled
Is it you or the Goa'uld

You know I’d do anything you want
But enslaving all of Vermont?
Yeah, it feels a bit too far

I think I should get a vote
Whether I need a symbiote
And a giant X for a scar

Baby Don’t keep me fooled
Is it you or the Goa'uld
Baby I’ve just got to know
Is it love when your eyes glow
Baby you know I'm your guy
Take me to your chapa'ai
Baby Don’t keep me fooled
Is it you or the Goa'uld


Does it mean it’s over
When you use your hand device
To scramble my brain

I still believe in the what we had
But your constant obsession
For galactic conquest
And your giant warships
And your Jaffa armies
And your lack of attention
Is driving me insane

Baby Don’t keep me fooled
Is it you or the Goa'uld
Baby I’ve just got to know
Is it love when your eyes glow
Baby dont treat me wrong
Look I even wrote you this song
Baby Don’t keep me fooled
Is it you or the Goa'uld
Track Name: Omega 13
It’s not the latest vitamin
It lets you jump to where you begin
Put your dancing shoes on
And your phaser on stun
Cause the rolling helps when you’re having fun

Time shouldn’t be a one way street
Lets go back so we can repeat
A short little walk back to the past
Come on everyone it’ll be a blast

Let’s go
Who needs careers
Dance by the light
Of Berylium spheres

Come on do it again
Lets rewind this scene
Triskaidekaphobics
Learns mental aerobics
And do the Omega 13

Permanent deja vu
'Cause now there’s a bunch of you
Keep on looping as long as it takes
'Cause 13 seconds holds a ton of mistakes

There’s no logical imperative
It’s all part of the narrative
Lets turn inside out and then explode
Unless we stop at one in the episode

Never give up
Never surrender
Never say
By Grabthar’s Hammer

Come on do it again
Lets rewind this scene
Put your coat on the hanger
And grab your doppelganger
Let’s do the Omega 13

Maybe we’ll destroy the universe
Or maybe nothing happens at all
Maybe it’s replaced with something worse
Or maybe we’ll have a ball

Kep-mok Blood Ticks to calm those cravings
Only need one - "what a savings"
The only problem to jumping back
getting beat up again by Gorignack

Come on and do it again
Let’s rewind the scene
Quantum Fluctuations
Lead to pelvic gyrations
Do the Omega 13

Come on and do it again
Let’s rewind the scene
Heisenberg’s uncertain
Why you’re shaking like a curtain
Do the Omega 13