*​.​* And Other Star Things

by The Faithful Sidekicks

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    Eco-Friendly Sleeved CD bestrewn with all the nerdy art and featuring all 12 great tracks. You'll also get a bonus Han Solo For President sticker to adorn your car, guitar case, or other sticker friendly surface.

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1.
04:20
You head to Cairo And I’ll fly to Santiago We’ll try to put This fever to bed Then dash off to Paris 'Cause the plague will never spare us We’ve got to hurry Before the world is dead I’ll shift you to Seoul cause we’re inches from the goal Of ridding all of Asia of disease Then we’ll head to Essen Where they’ve learned a new lesson About covering their mouths When they sneeze Outbreak This Pandemic’s Getting epic It’s just you and me Racing for the cure Outbreak This infection Beyond direction If we don’t win We’re all doomed for sure The infection rate is climbing And we’ve got to watch our timing We’ve got to get To the research station I’m tired from the fight I need one quiet night Please airlift me out To vacation Outbreak This Pandemic’s Getting epic It’s just you and me Racing for the cure Outbreak This infection Beyond direction If we don’t win We’re all doomed for sure L.A.'s gone away San Fran’s in the pan New York got the spork And we lost all Japan Goodbye Chennai Milan, it is gone Istanbul is full 'Cause we didn’t play catan Outbreak This Pandemic’s Getting epic It’s just you and me Racing for the cure Outbreak This infection Beyond direction We didn't win We were all doomed for sure We were doomed for sure
2.
03:43
I'd been studying eight long years At the Academy When I was posted to the Enterprise I was as happy as could be But then came the day I would soon come to dread When they gave out assignments Turned out my shirt was red Beam me up Don't beam me down You know I always hate it when they say "Hey, what's that sound" When the lava monster gets here I don't want to be around So beam me up Don't beam me down I'm not just some pretty face I've got an advanced degree In xenolinguistics And exobiology I’m captain of the chess team Did you know I have a wife I am surely too valuable To throw away my life Beam me up Don't beam me down You know I always hate it when they say "Hey, what's that sound" When the lava monster gets here I don't want to be around So beam me up Don't beam me down I don't want to go anywhere With our Captain Kirk 'Cause when the phasers fire He can turn into a jerk We've got all this technology With all them blinking lights Yet no matter how we try for peace He always get in fights Beam me up Don't beam me down You know I always hate it when he says "Hey... what's.. that sound" When the lava monster gets here I don't want to be around So beam me up Don't beam me down I don't want to be on the team If it's going away I don't know what the game is But I sure don’t want to play Here is the question I really really want to know if the mission’s so important Why can't some other color go Beam me up Don't beam me down You know I always hate it when they say "Hey, what's that sound" When the lava monster gets here I don't want to be around So beam me up Don't beam me down
3.
The way the country’s going We’re stuck before we begin We need to look far far away To bring the right guy in Some say he's a scoundrel Well we’ve already got some of those But we know this one will get things done So here’s what I propose Han Solo For President You know he’s the one 'Cause he’s fastest on the gun Han Solo For President You know he’s our man You may think he’ll take the cash And then just run away But he’ll come back at the wire To totally save the day He comes with his own protection That’s furry and seven feet tall You know he’s got the alien vote He’s the bravest of them all Han Solo For President He’s the best we can get cause we can’t get Boba Fett Han Solo For President You know he’s our man Attack ads won’t work on him I mean, he saved the galaxy How do you get them to hate a guy Who set the ewoks free He’s used to adoration He was mistaken for a god Even if winning is a long shot Never tell him the odds Han Solo For President Better not give him lip I bet he’s handy with a whip Han Solo For President You know he’s our man He may look scruffy Nerf Herder In Chief But he’s the best man for the job That is our belief He’s got no time for committees Don’t mistake him for a goon Who needs a seal team He rescues VIPs from a moon You know he’ll get things moving Look how fast he did the Kessel Run Imagine all the awesome When the Falcon is Air Force One Han Solo For President If we don’t get this right There’s always Carbonite Han Solo For President You know it’s not his fault He’s the President
4.
04:14
use db_me; update table love set love = true where name = you; 1 record updated delete from table mind where love = true and name is not like you; select * from my heart where love equals true inner join on me to you inner join on me to you; use db_you; update table heart set tears = null where tears > 2 and cause = me; delete from events where angry = true and subject = me; drop table bitterness; drop table jealousy; create index good on table mind; access denied select * from my heart where love equals true inner join on me to you inner join on me to you; use db_you select * from table heart where love = true and name = me; 0 records returned use db_me; drop table love;
5.
For a long time there's been A hostile vibration Between the Republic And the Federation You’ve got warp engines We've we’ve got light speed You’ve got no money We’ve got tons of greed You’ve got directives And we’ve got the Force Surely there’s a middle ground Where we can plot our course Jar Jar Must go Jar Jar Must Go Please can you help us make it so How we got here we'll never know But on this we can all agree Jar Jar Must Go He was supposed to be comic But we were not relieved We’re pretty sure the thing Was ill conceived When he arrived we thought We would not survive Then we remembered How you pulled through After Star Trek Number 5 Jar Jar Must go Jar Jar Must Go Please can you help us make it so How we got here we'll never know But on this we can all agree Jar Jar Must Go Maybe you could do your Slingshot thing back around the sun And bring us back to the time When it was only Obi-Wan Or maybe use your transporter Accidently lose the pattern lock Or maybe we can do a mind meld Between Master Yoda and Spock You leave the Ewok special out of this I know that one’s hard But we’ll stay out of your arguments about Kirk and Picard Jar Jar Must go Jar Jar Must Go Please can you help us make it so How we got here we'll never know But on this we can all agree Jar Jar Must Go
6.
First thing you burn them While spinning them round Next you break them Until they are ground Then you boil them Until they are drowned Won't anyone think of the beans Won't anyone think of the beans Their magic is strong Especially when black They can rouse the dead Bring the tired back Their smell alone Can get you out of the sack Won't anyone think of the beans Won't anyone think of the beans Grind without mercy And them throw them away They've done their job They've save the day Their garbage can rest Is all of their pay Won't anyone think of the beans Won't anyone think of the beans So here's to the wizards Of Nature's delight They can keep you going All through the night Two sips in time And the world is alright Won't anyone think of the beans Won't anyone think of the beans
7.
03:33
Ok let me be clear I’m not a coward For staying here I will keep faith Even if it means Facing a wraith The Old Forest is not for me And someone has to stay Someone needs to keep the lights on While you’re running away I’m Fatty Bolger And I’m still a hero Not one you would expect I’m Fatty Bolger And I’m in the story And I want a little respect Please give me a little respect Ok, all the talk's ‘bout Frodo and the others It’s starting to make me ill It's all great heroics They forget about poor Bolger And good old Bombadil Now things are going south Whose this wizard any way Someone needs to set things right Looks like Freddy's gonna save the day I’m Fatty Bolger And I’m still a hero Not one you would expect I’m Fatty Bolger And I’m in the story And I want a little respect Please give me a little respect Come on you fellows Join the revolution We’ve got a lot to do They may clap us in irons And throw us in a hole But heroes see it through I sweated off a hundred pounds Starving, chained to the floor I did my best to set things right I’m not fatty any more I’m Fred Bolger And I’m a big hero Not one you would expect I’m Fred Bolger And I’m in the story And I deserve a little respect Please give me a little respect
8.
Another dead end job "Yeah, we got that in green" Another empty night On another boring scene Then a wild eyed man Fell from the stars Called himself the Doctor And whisked me off to Mars Doctor Doctor Cure Me Doctor Doctor Cure Me Doctor Doctor Cure me from this hum drum day I’d love to ride in your blue box That’s bigger on the inside How can you be so very old With such a smooth looking hide And where’d you get your screwdriver ‘Cause the one I got from Lowes Can’t repel an alien horde No matter how it glows Doctor Doctor Cure Me Doctor Doctor Cure Me Doctor Doctor Cure me from this hum drum day I could swear that we met before Did you have a different face Doesn’t matter - let’s save the world And see all of time and space Yeah the Dalek’s scare me Though they look like pepper pots But I know you can save me From the army of killer bots Doctor Doctor Cure Me Doctor Doctor Cure Me Doctor Doctor Cure me from this hum drum day Let’s go see Raxacoricofallapatorius Or maybe save the ocean From some ancient amphibians But wherever you roam You will not be alone Doctor Doctor Cure Me Doctor Doctor Cure Me Doctor Doctor Cure me from this hum drum day
9.
My name’s not Alex Rogan I’m not that guy that you know I’m the stand-in replacement So that someone else can go I’m just a Beta unit Centauri sent me here Distracting assassins While he advanced his career Then you stuck your tongue in my ear What you wanted was not that clear I’m sorry I’m not that kinda bot What we need is a hero But I’m all that you got I’m sorry I’m not that kinda droid The best I can hope for Is to be unemployed So I'm stuck here fixing toilets And pushing Louis around While Alex gets a Gunstar I'm stuck here on the ground When it comes to kicking Kodan Alex better not chicken out Yeah, I could do the fighting But Betas aren't allowed We’ve got no time for your gland games we've got to leave that Zandozan In flames I’m sorry I’m not that kinda bot What we need is a hero But I’m all that you got I’m sorry I’m not that kinda droid The best I can hope for Is to be unemployed There's no need to notice me Did we stop the pulsar tones? Cause if it's up to Centauri We’d probably only get trombones Surprise I'm from the stars And this hasn't been much fun Alex wherever you are You really owe me one 'Cause I’m not that kind of bot What we need is a hero And you’re all that we got Sorry I’m not that kind of droid You’re the best we can hope for And I’m going to be destroyed Sorry I’m not that kind of bot What we need is a hero And you’re all that we got Sorry I’m not that kind of droid The best I could hope for Is to be re-deployed I'm Sorry I’m just not that kind of bot
10.
02:50
Did you see that ludicrous display last night Which one's the inning where they start to fight So that’s a touchdown run - did I do that right? I guess I’m supposed to know So I’m not manly unless my footballs spin I’ve got to know runs batted in Why do they wear stuff on their shins I guess I’m supposed to know But I admit I don’t really care I’ve tried real hard to sit and stare But my mind wanders to places where Pixels learn to fly Football’s ok Basketball's alright I can stand to watch But not every night My arena's the basement My weapon's a mouse 'Cause its video games Inside this house Fire up a level Because I’m ready to go Whether it’s FPS or MMO Warp speed fast Or take it slow Yeah, that’s what I know Forget about goals Give me BFGs And super sheep With D O Ts And tons of mana For my hotkeys That’s what I know Yeah I admit It can get weird When grown men worry about levels cleared But so is holding someone revered For how fast they run Football’s ok Basketball's alright I can stand to watch But not every night My arena's the basement My weapon's a mouse 'Cause its video games Inside this house Baskets goals safety’s yeah they are all fine But I’d rather not keep score in a blocky mine I’d rather ride a chicken for a piece of heart And learn things like up down up down A B start Football’s ok Basketball's alright I can stand to watch But not every night My arena's the basement My weapon's a mouse 'Cause its video games Inside this house
11.
You are an angel from heaven You’re my chevron number seven You’re love can carry me to the stars But lately I have seen a change Your voice has gotten strange And your new obsession seems bizarre Baby Don’t keep me fooled Is it you or the Goa'uld Baby I’ve just got to know Is it love when your eyes glow Baby Please let me in Tell me who’s really wearing your skin Baby Don’t keep me fooled Is it you or the Goa'uld You know I’d do anything you want But enslaving all of Vermont? Yeah, it feels a bit too far I think I should get a vote Whether I need a symbiote And a giant X for a scar Baby Don’t keep me fooled Is it you or the Goa'uld Baby I’ve just got to know Is it love when your eyes glow Baby you know I'm your guy Take me to your chapa'ai Baby Don’t keep me fooled Is it you or the Goa'uld Does it mean it’s over When you use your hand device To scramble my brain I still believe in the what we had But your constant obsession For galactic conquest And your giant warships And your Jaffa armies And your lack of attention Is driving me insane Baby Don’t keep me fooled Is it you or the Goa'uld Baby I’ve just got to know Is it love when your eyes glow Baby dont treat me wrong Look I even wrote you this song Baby Don’t keep me fooled Is it you or the Goa'uld
12.
03:25
It’s not the latest vitamin It lets you jump to where you begin Put your dancing shoes on And your phaser on stun Cause the rolling helps when you’re having fun Time shouldn’t be a one way street Lets go back so we can repeat A short little walk back to the past Come on everyone it’ll be a blast Let’s go Who needs careers Dance by the light Of Berylium spheres Come on do it again Lets rewind this scene Triskaidekaphobics Learns mental aerobics And do the Omega 13 Permanent deja vu 'Cause now there’s a bunch of you Keep on looping as long as it takes 'Cause 13 seconds holds a ton of mistakes There’s no logical imperative It’s all part of the narrative Lets turn inside out and then explode Unless we stop at one in the episode Never give up Never surrender Never say By Grabthar’s Hammer Come on do it again Lets rewind this scene Put your coat on the hanger And grab your doppelganger Let’s do the Omega 13 Maybe we’ll destroy the universe Or maybe nothing happens at all Maybe it’s replaced with something worse Or maybe we’ll have a ball Kep-mok Blood Ticks to calm those cravings Only need one - "what a savings" The only problem to jumping back getting beat up again by Gorignack Come on and do it again Let’s rewind the scene Quantum Fluctuations Lead to pelvic gyrations Do the Omega 13 Come on and do it again Let’s rewind the scene Heisenberg’s uncertain Why you’re shaking like a curtain Do the Omega 13

about

Nerdy Geeky Comedy Rock Folk (Can we throw any more in there? Alt...? sure, why not.). *.* And Other Star Things is an album full of funny catchy songs about the geeky stuff we love - things like Star Wars, Star Trek, Stargate, The Last Starfighter, and SQL? (Well maybe we don't quite love SQL... but it's a lot of "star" regardless). Fun songs about board games, video games and coffee.

With the help of some of our geek rock friends, we present to you this bundle of 12 songs to keep you laughing and to leave you with a smile on your face.

credits

released January 22, 2016

THE FAITHFUL SIDEKICKS ARE:
Eric Distad - Guitar, Vocals, Drum Programming, Goofiness
Jen Distad - Bass, Vocals, Pithy One-Liners

ALSO WITH:
Jon Bennefeld - Drums and Percussion
Devin Melanson - Banjo, Additional Vocals and Guitar on Beam Me Up and Han Solo
The Ontario Area Filkers - Additional Vocals on Beam Me Up
John Argentiero - Additional Vocals, Guitar, and Drum Programming on Doctor Doctor, Fatty Bolger, and Video Games Inside This House
Steven Wesley Guiles - Additional Vocals and Guitar on Beta Unit

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The Faithful Sidekicks Oregon City, Oregon

Nerdy Geeky Comedy Rock Folk (Can we throw any more in there? Alt? Sure, why not.).

The Faithful Sidekicks is all that and more.

Eric and Jen Distad have been making music together for many years, but in 2014 decided that they really wanted to write fun songs about the geeky things they love - Sci Fi, Fantasy, Board Games, Video Games, Movies... and so here we are, ready to make you smile!
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